in the words of Whjaergd… what is your strongest emotion, and why?
I wouldn’t call it an emotion per se, but a trait that certainly shapes how I feel is modesty. It is a powerful feeling to have. It makes you feel acceptable. It’s liberating in the way that you don’t have to necessarily worry about people thinking of you as a stuck-up; someone who’s selfish and can only think of themselves. It makes it easier to work with others this way, and I daresay it helps you attract the preference of recurring and future collaborators. Yet, it is paradoxical in that you also feel more restricted in how you can express yourself. If someone congratulates you for something, you feel like you must belittle your accomplishments in order to preserve that character people like about you. There was a study done on this, I believe, where the experimenters had one proctor put up a bravado when praised, while the other acted more humble; and when the group conducted a group activity afterwards, the test subjects were more willing to work with the humble proctor than the boastful one.
Is it manipulative, then, for me to behave this way, knowing what I know? Perhaps maybe a little, depending on the situation, but I don’t see too much harm in doing so, at least for my case. I suppose for me, the feeling can sometimes reach beyond healthy conditions and be uncontrollable. It is at this point in which you would identify it as ‘people-pleasing;’ not only tempering your own expectations, but purposefully seeking to please others. I’m not implying that this correlates to being a suck-up; at least, not for my case, I think. It’s moreso being willing to help, even if they weren’t expecting you to jump in. Currying small favors for others without asking. It becomes instinct, and you do it even if you know they may not ever be aware of the fact you sacrificing your time or comfort to help them feel more comfortable.
For example, I’m not afraid of eye contact. I can look at people in the eye. Stare at them, in fact. They become shapes after all. But that urge to please people, that fear of making them feel awkward, is perhaps what drives my instinct to avoid gazing at others. And that behavior comes across to others as shyness rather than modesty; depending on their culture, at least. The same applies to how I speak. I don’t raise my voice to shouting levels very often, but that’s not due to the lack of confidence in what I’m saying. It’s just a part of my personality, my mode of thinking, where I feel that in order to be humble, you must be more mellow and even toned. Again, whether this is right or wrong will always be debatable. But is it really that bad to be soft spoken?
Going back to what I was saying before, this feeling can be paradoxical as you feel superior to others who don’t seem to conform with your way of thinking; who brag without shame. These feelings break down your modesty at the same time your people-pleasing instincts build it up. It’s an internal tug-of-war that can make you feel like you’re being pulled apart, I suppose. You know, I never really thought of it this way before you interviewed me, but I think it’s a nice way to summarize the kinds of feeling I go through. And this is why, I hope, you can see why modesty is my strongest emotion. Because I feel it constantly tugging at me, and you really do lose your ability to relax, to the benefit of others and perhaps society as a whole.