I’d hate to interrupt our travels again, exactly thirty stations later. But like the last time, this is an opportunity to be transparent about what’s been going on while providing a narrative at the same time. Being transparent, after all, is why I started this platform, and at the worst of times, I have to keep reminding myself of the fact. Growing up as a child, I had always kept my online presence an enigma, and I’ll admit I still kind of enjoy doing that. It’s like a narrative hook in a story, where you don’t know much about a certain character’s personality and think of them one way, only to find out over time they’re the total opposite personality (though it’s become so much of a trope now that it’s not as surprising anymore).
Anyway, back to the main story. Yes, I am burning out again. The last time I addressed this issue was, coincidentally, around this time in May. Some people may notice a pattern with this timing. If you’re a university student in the United States, you know all about what these times of the year entail.
Last semester, I did a lot of analytical writing. This semester, I’ve been doing a fair bit of creative writing and a lot of reading. Each of these semesters culminated in a large writing project. This is especially true now that I am in my senior year, working on an undergraduate thesis project involving the transition of text to moving images. With the way this project is set up, not only am I doing a lot of writing, I am also going through the motions of producing a short animation as well. And this project surely does a good job of making me question whether my work is what I want it to be. All in the meanwhile, I will be posting on a weekly basis to this station.
So I do a lot of writing already, even though I’m not an English major. And I do genuinely enjoy writing. But still, at the very least, in these past two semesters, as I kick my creative processes into full gear during that crescendo leading up to the final few weeks, I still need to take a moment to breathe after it’s all said and done.
To be honest, I did expect this to happen eventually, and my productivity in general has always dipped at the start of every summer or winter break. A few weeks in advance, I did arrange plans to power through the trough and pump out content, however lackluster the content was. But as it came around the time to do it, I didn’t feel great about doing it, asking myself why I was doing this and what would I get from trying to force it. So in the end, instead of this station being a filler story metaphoring what it means to work, it is an open discussion these observations I’ve made about my current situation.
You could take it as a weakness or a natural process that we all go through, depending on your work ethics. Although it’s still too early to provide a retrospect, if I had to give a reflection about this right now, I’d say it’s a necessary weakness. These brief breaks, where I am absolutely not productive, eventually lead to boredom, and I come back wanting to try new things. Yes, I’m not getting much done in terms of writing in the meantime, despite the mantra that great writers must write all the time. But at the same time, we’re not machines either. Lapses in our processes will inevitably occur.
So although this whole post feels more like admitting defeat rather than providing an interesting narrative, I’ll do my best not to be too critical on myself over it, because the last time I took a break to refresh, I ended up writing what I’d consider one of my stronger pieces of writing that originated here (Of A Flower does not count in that regard).
For next week, I am working on another rambling story, but that will be slightly more substantial than this one and will take a little time, thus it was not ready for this week.