Jane resumed her spot, drying the girl’s hair as I took my basket and set to work, whisking together some more porridge for us, this time with oats, cheese, and a bit of wild mushrooms. It took some time to prepare, and I knew it would keep her over for a while longer, but, knowing I had a guest over, it felt like it was only appropriate. Eventually, she came over into the kitchen to accompany me.
“I think she’s all right.”
Nodding, I took a taste and shut off the stove. “Good to hear.”
She helped me set the table and we sat down to eat.
“Thank you, dear,” Jane chimed, a bit more bright again.
I on the other hand could not match her cheer. “Oh, not a worry.” The words came out hoarse, my voice still muted. I cleared out my throat immediately after. There was no hiding I was still glum, and I did not want to exude any emotion that was not there. I knew there was still much more to explain to her.
“Sorry, about all of this,” I started. “If you feel offended that I kept this a secret.”
“What?” she exclaimed. “Goodness sake! Why are you apologizing? I was just worried, that’s all!”
I fell silent.
“Anyway… What were you afraid of, telling me sooner?” she asked, blowing at her spoon.
“Nothing against you, personally. Just…” Sighing, sitting back, the chair creaked. “I didn’t want to tell anyone, really. I thought I could just hide her away and she would eventually disappear, on her own.”
Jane nodded, eating a spoonful.
“Which, I suppose, did eventually happen.”
“And yet…” she mumbled, swallowing. “You seemed worried sick about her.”
“Well… She left sooner than I expected.”
“Sooner? What do you mean by that?”
“I made an agreement that I would let her stay for the time being until I figured out what to do with her.”
Her face was puzzled. “I thought she didn’t talk.”
“She can still understand.”
“Oh.” She went for another bite but stopped. “Wait. What? Really?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know how. But she can.”
“And how does she talk to you?” Jane lifted her empty spoon into the air, circling it. “By waving around her hands?”
“Mostly with her head. Nodding and shaking.”
“Ah… Right.”
We both paused to take a bite.
“I still can’t believe that little girl is a spirit.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Are you sure?”
“Trust me, I’m certain of what I saw. She’s a spirit.” I was adamant with this assertion. “I’ve kept her hidden all this time for that reason. Just look over there.”
Pointing towards the corner, the vases of flowers looked no less vibrant than the day Alice rejuvenated them. Jane stared long and hard at them, taking a bite in between. “They don’t look all that special.”
I faltered, not knowing how she could not tell the difference. “Well… They don’t usually look like that. Not nearly as superb. Especially the chicories and poppies.”
Her eyes wandered still, not making any sense of what I was saying.
“I’ve also bathed her before. She does not have the body of a human.”
“Oh…”
Jane did not delve further, returning to her meal. I sat there, thinking of what else I observed about the girl in the past.
“Could she not be something else?” she mumbled with her mouth full once again. “Not a spirit, but some sort of… other creature.”
Setting down an elbow, I thought about the idea. “I don’t know what else you would call her.”
“I mean, you know… Given how I can touch her at all, she would fall just shy of a spirit, wouldn’t she?”
“That’s true. She is very light, though.”
“Is she?”
More silence. The sun was dipping low enough now to warrant turning on a light. Given how cloudy it was today, dusk appeared to arrive sooner than usual.
“I don’t mean to dig, but you really felt like you couldn’t tell anyone? Not even me?”
There was no suspicion in her voice. Just pure disappointment that, despite the bond and trust we shared with each other, there was still something I would not tell her.
“No… Sorry. I couldn’t make out my feelings on the matter. I would tell you… eventually. But… not until I’ve sorted myself out, probably long after she’s left.”
Jane sat still, blankly staring at the table.
“Again, I apologise…”
“No, no… It’s just… This is so unusual of you. You’ve lived with spirits all your life. Why now, would you be scared of them…?”
I thought about the day at the market.
“Sure, she’s an odd one,” Jane quickly added. “But still, a spirit?”
“The city has been stirred up about spirits as of late. Do you not remember?”
“Really? Has all that fuss in the parliament really gotten into you?”
“It’s not just the parliament anymore. It’s bled its way onto the streets. People are buying into what’s being incessantly squawked in the chamber. Arrests are happening, and people are growing wary.”
“You think they will arrest you for harboring a helpless spirit?”
“Yes.”
“That’s rubbish!” she exclaimed. “They have no right to do that!”
“They will give themselves the right.”
“If they want to spread panic and alarm! But surely they won’t be stupid enough to do that!”
She was raising her voice. It only took a few moments of silence from me for her to realise, and subsequently back off a bit.
“It’s not a matter of intelligence, sometimes,” I cautioned. “It’s a matter of convenience.”
Jane sighed a long and heavy sigh. Instinctively, I tensed.
“We can’t live in fear like this! That’s no way to live!”
She was clearly frustrated. However, I was quickly able to recognise her frustration was not necessarily aimed at me.
“I know…” My shoulders dipped. “I know…”
For the remainder of the evening, she ate in silence, with a few remarks here and there. It would appear the situation had taxed her more than it did to me. A strange turn of events. Still, eventually, I wished to be alone. Jane did not want to leave so early, but I encouraged her to before she got so tired. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I reminded. “We can regroup then.”
That night, I slept beside Alice. I checked up on her after cleaning up the dishes, finding her breathing still a bit shallow. Her head was hot, as if she was having a fever. So I stayed next to her, monitoring her condition until I fell asleep, my head rested on her lap.